We had two weeks to play with in our SE Asia itinerary. Sadly, at the point we had to decide, Myanmar and Thailand had just been rocked by a devastating earthquake and it was unclear whether more would follow. So we decided that we would return (again) to Hoi An – not least because it would be Chloe’s birthday while we were there and who doesn’t want to be somewhere lovely on their birthday? Plus, the Doctor Who finale would be airing, making reliable(ish) internet a non-negotiable.

We’ve been to Hoi An in May/June before but, somehow, we forgot just how much the heat and humidity rocket. Instead of temperatures in the high 20s, it was mid 30s, with humidity that put the ‘feels like’ temperature in the late 40s. There’s a phrase we save only for days like these – ‘ohmygoditshot’. It was put to good use.

The first week was very relaxing; trips into town for a little light tailoring, cycle rides up the riverside. On Chloe’s birthday, the Banana Garden Villa staff showed they’re at the top of their game by bringing out a cake and flowers at breakfast to the strains of ‘happy birthday’. They do this with every guest who is lucky enough to be there on their special day, and it’s enormously sweet.

During the second week, temperatures rose and so did our ambitions. Back in April, we joined a group tour to some local sites, including the Marble Mountain, but the guide was in a hurry and it was too hot for Chloe to get all the way to the top in one go. She paused to let the rest of the party go up and come back down but the tour was scheduled to leave the mountain by a different route, so Allan had to peel off and retrieve her. Returning in June, we still had half a mountain to climb.

So, Marble Mountain take two. Here’s the good bit – we initially walked up from the bottom but there is an elevator that will get you a good third of the way up. Reasoning that we’d already ‘done’ the first bit, we jumped in the lift to take us most of the way to our earlier stopping point.

We still had a good few hundred uneven steps to the highest point and, even in the morning, it felt like 40+ degrees. Chloe busted out her signature strategy for getting through a gruelling climb, which mainly consists of a lot of swearing and wailing ‘I just can’t!’ until she gets to the top. Allan took it in his stride, while offering gentle encouragement. As you can see, he enjoyed the achievement immediately, whereas Chloe was glad she’d done it about four hours later.

Unwilling to lose momentum, we did the stupid tourist thing for the next couple of days – take bikes out in the extreme heat.

On day one, we battled hot headwinds to visit the Locust Cafe in the middle of Hoi An’s rice paddies. Lime juice and strawberry smoothies were our reward. The rice fields were in a different stage of cultivation compared to last time. Then it was all emerald acres, now the rice had been harvested and the bare, brown fields were being prepared for the next sowing.

On day two, we made it as far as the beach so we could see the sea before we left. Allan resisted buying yet another brightly coloured silk shirt, but we still left with a couple of presents for those back home. This time the sun was unrelenting on our return trip and we arrived back hot and soggy. Thank heavens for laundry services, who have been doing an average of 2kg a day of our stuff. We love them.

So, now it’s our last day in Vietnam. We hit the riverside last night and, along with the usual display of brightly decorated cruise boats of different sizes, we were delighted by the return of the karaoke boat. Everyone was having a ball. Sound on.